The prospect of downsizing from a larger family home to a more manageable space can be both exciting and challenging. Whether it is to reduce maintenance responsibilities, improve access to community amenities or move closer to adult children and grandchildren, downsizing is a significant decision that requires careful planning and negotiation. Yes, you read that right, it requires negotiation and it’s most often between the spouses themselves.
Change is often felt with fear.
Fear based thoughts lead to fearful emotions and if you are not ready to face fears, or you need help managing your emotions, your body mind can go into its innate sympathetic nervous system responses of fight or flight and freeze & appease. So often this looks like one person fighting against the discussions of downsizing and one person freezing up at the other’s resistance. I have seen this scenario many times in the form of a couple approaching me for my Buyers Agent guidance after their discussions to downsize started 10 years earlier! It doesn’t have to be this way.
Fear can be felt, and fear can be managed so you can move toward possibilities rather than stay stuck in the past. And as my experience has shown, waiting for time to pass doesn’t cause change, regulation of your nervous system allows for change. Being heard and feeling validated is the first step. No judgement, no conditions, just compassionate listening. The power of being the witness of your parent’s experience cannot be underestimated!
Your parents need your compassion to access their courage, and you need curiosity to access your compassion!
Whether one parent has emotionally left the home, one parent has health or mobility challenges, or they are both ready to downsize, here are my practical tips to help you support their planning in buying and selling.
- Start Early and Communicate Compassionately
Initiate the conversation about downsizing early. Approach the topic with empathy and understanding, acknowledging that it can be a sensitive subject. Listen to their concerns and preferences to ensure they feel heard and respected. Open ended talks can alleviate pressure for decisions or action and can instead, promote a feeling of safety to explore the future. Be proactive but don’t try to convince them.
Ask: Would you be happy living in a home that’s easier to maintain?
- Assess Their Needs and Their Wants
Consider your parents’ current and future needs. This includes accessibility, proximity to family and friends, healthcare facilities, and lifestyle preferences. Help them create a list of must-haves and nice-to-haves for a new home. Knowing the attributes of this new home and new precinct can help alleviate fear of the unknown.
Ask: If your housing costs were reduced, how would you spend the extra money?
- Assess Possessions, Declutter and Organise
One of the most challenging aspects of downsizing is deciding what to keep and what to let go. It can help to categorize possessions into essentials, sentimental keepsakes, and things that can be sold, donated, or discarded. This process can be emotionally charged, or it can be a therapeutic process, allowing them to reminisce and make thoughtful decisions about their possessions. Offer to help or hire a professional organizer if needed.
Ask: Can I help you to go through your garage to choose some items to hand down to your grandkids or donate some items that you don’t need anymore?
- Rightsize the New Home
Help your parents envision their new living space by considering the size, layout, and functionality of the new home. This can guide decisions about which furniture and belongings to bring along. Sometimes the new home needs to fit the old dining table and sometimes only the belongings that fit the new home will be kept. Keep an open mind as there are many sized homes they could buy that are appropriate for downsizing.
Ask: Have any of your friends moved into a single-storey home or a unit?
- Financial Considerations
Review the financial aspects of downsizing, including the sale of the current home, purchasing a new one, and any associated costs. What will their monthly budget look like? Arrange for your parents to consult with their financial advisor and their solicitor.
Ask: Can they buy first and sell later, do they need to sell first then buy or do they need to Buy and Sell simultaneously?
6. Trusted Advice:
Engage with a trusted advisor who can work with you throughout the entire process not just for single phases, this way you get better advice and support. Trusted advisors could be a counsellor, lawyer, accountant, a close friend who has already downsized. And consider an experienced estate agent to support your parents (and the family) by managing the Buy and Sell process in communication with all parties.
Change can be made with more ease, and it requires strategy.
Making decisions from a state of fear can lead to short-sighted or reactive choices. By focusing on gathering information (curiosity), understanding their values (compassion), and developing a plan (courage), your parents can make more thoughtful and intentional decisions.
And you can stay grounded and not let emotions cloud your judgment and experience whilst you support your parents.
Case Study:
In 2015 I was engaged to help an 80-something year old woman find a downsizer home. She was living in a double storey Victorian terrace in Armadale and wanted to stay in the same general area. I enjoyed working with her and her son and in the end, she bought another double storey home! It was near-new for lower running costs and less maintenance and the main bedroom suite and living areas were all on the ground level so only her adult kids and grandkids needed to venture upstairs when they came to stay.
It’s never one size fits all when talking downsizing because in actual fact, it’s about rightsizing!