Whether you’re negotiating to buy a home, negotiating in business or indeed, negotiating with your teenagers, knowing your values allows you to strategize to negotiate consistently for better results.
Here are my top tips (or rules) after 15 years as a licenced estate agent and decades as a Mum of 3 kids. I hope they inspire you to create your own.
The first rule of Negotiation is – Establish Engagement!
If they don’t know, like or trust you, it’s a cold call.
If they don’t want or like to speak with you (and you may not realise if they don’t) then are you even negotiating?
Whether it’s with your teenagers or it’s with an agent trying to buy your next home, start by listening to understand, not with presenting your case.
Achieving your best outcome arises from clear values and a clear strategy not through attempting to push and manipulate.
Question don’t pressure.
If they want to do a deal with you, you’re halfway there.
The second rule of Negotiation – Interest v Positions: know the difference.
If you don’t know the difference between people’s interests and their positions, then do you really have enough information to make informed decisions?
How do you strategize if you don’t prepare for the stand(s) they present (position) and the motivating desires they feel (interests) of the parties?
And who are all the parties to the negotiation – it’s not just the vendor and the buyer. There can be a lot more complexity.
Knowing your own interests and positions (and the differences between yours and your partners too) is vital to creating the right framework in which to proceed.
Interests and positions are not mutually exclusive, and they can change in content and priority.
Strategy is always important, and tactics only work if you know & track the differences.
The third rule of negotiation – Create Value
Contrary to popular opinion, power is an inherent state of being, not something you hold over another. Manipulation, control and coercion are not inherently powerful but rather motivated by fear.
Respecting another person’s dignity and their sovereignty to decide for themselves is part of “fair play” as my dad used to say.
The injuries to our state of powerfulness show up mostly during the process of negotiation.
The saying “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” actually means, the powerful remain clear in their clarity of purpose and process.
Appreciating the difference between contrast and resistance is key. Contrast is natural. Resistance can be fatal to a negotiation.
We create value by increasing the pie, by not limiting ourselves and only seeing one dimensional outcomes.
Creating value is an abundance mindset. It’s not a Win or Lose mentality. You can feel like a winner and so can the other side. And in turn, this ethos can be repeated time and time again.
So no-one limps away haemorrhaging. And everyone maintains their own value.
9 years ago, I studied the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School and I’ve been testing my learnings, developing my practice and putting my knowledge to use ever since.
15 years and counting #buyersagent #vendorsadvocate #coach